The State of My Heart
by MedievalHarpy
Summary: Follow Aito as he struggles to be at peace with his life, as he re-forges friendships, and finds love. (T because I'm paranoid) (second gen) (sequel to Dying Wish)
1. Chapter 1

**I'm so excited to get going on this story! I'm sorry but I'm not going to keep a schedule with this one :( as you can tell (if you've seen any of my other fanfics) i haven't been keeping up with fanfiction very well.**

 **Anyway, for anyone who is new, this is actually a sequel to another fanfic Dying Wish, i would love love love it if you go over and read that one and then come back! or you don't have to, but it might make a little more sense.**

 **Well, here it is! i hope you all like it.**

Aito silently made his way home. His bicycle made most of the noise he payed attention to. A dog barked as he peddled past its worn fence.

He didn't usually take this path home, nor did he usually bike. But recently this was the only path he'd take, it kept him away from the busy streets, anyway, it was quiet.

He pulled a hand up to his head, and pushed the small earbud more firmly into his ear. He let himself be pulled away by the music, convinced himself that that was all the existed, the music and the sidewalk ahead.

Soon the houses became bigger, and he knew his peaceful ride was almost over. He put his bike into the small shed next to the house, and leaned against the wood wall, he let his heart and breath synchronize to the rhythm of the music. He took a last breath and entered the house, pulling the earbuds out of his ears.

This had been his home since his birth, pictures of memories lined the walls, one had never been taken away. It had sat in its frame ever since he could remember.

A group of people gathered around a hospital bed, where his mother was sitting with Dad leaning over her shoulder to kiss her cheek, in his arms was a bundle of blankets, that was him. On either side of the photo stood his parent's closest friends. On one side stood Tamaki, and his wife Haruhi, she was holding the two year old Shoji. Her stomach was already round with their next child, who…. had been his best friend.

On their other side stood Mori with the ever small Honey on his shoulders, he had always been convinced that Honey was Mori's son or something, and had been surprised to find that in the picture he had been almost thirty. Next to them stood his crazy uncles Hikaru and Kaoru, their arms around each-others shoulders, and their free hands making peace signs beside their smiling faces.

Soon after the photo they had both gotten engaged, ironically, to another set of identical twins.

The photos continued, there was one of when his parents got married, all three sets of grandparents were there, and the 'Host Club' as his parents had always called them.

More photos past as he walked down the hall. He dropped his backpack on the sofa and kept walking to his room. He flopped down onto his bed, and sighed. He let his eyes close, exhausted.

 _Buzzzzz… Buzzzzz…._

Aito pulled his phone out of his pocket.

" **New message from Miyu Suoh"**

He let his hand fall back onto the bed. Should he answer? he wouldn't know what to say, he laid there for a while longer, and eventually started to nod off. He drifted into darkness as his phone continued to alert him of unanswered messages.


	2. Chapter 2

**firstly. I. Am. So. Sorry. :( i've been having a hard time with life and stuff, and i just couldn't write, i don't know why, but i just couldn't. Every sentence sounded wrong, and Aito's voice was hiding. Now i've changed some things, and it's working out better:(**

 **but to tell the truth, i don't know how i'm going to be able to write during the school year, i'm going to be really busy, i have all the classes from school (the one day a week thing that i started last year… :P) i'm taking Algebra 2 on the side (ugh algebra D:) and i'm taking two college classes. So in short i'm going to be extremely busy. So mostly i have wasted this wonderful summer opportunity. And i am very sorry about that.**

 **i'm sorry, :( i hope you like this chapter anyway, i'm hoping it will be a decent length**

 **(if you don't know what a mangaka is, it's a person who writes\draws manga)**

Ouran. It was built like a castle, with huge rooms, and grand staircases. Anyone would be awed by it's beauty, but Aito just kept walking. He was used to this place. This year was his second, and the halls had become familiar, even monotone.

The courtyard was empty, this was how he liked it to be, devoid of people. Even if that meant that he was late for first period.

The class had already began and he walked as quietly as he could to his desk. Hopeing in the back of his head that the teacher wouldn't notice. She did, of course, she always did. She gave him a disappointed smile, then returned to the lesson. Aito sat in silence, even when the class ended and most the kids were talking.

Ryo was always making jokes, his red hair reflecting his fiery personality, Tatsu stood by him smiling, an expression that he couldn't seem to get off his face. They had been some of his best friends, he almost wanted to join them, but he hated the questions. It was just easier to stay away. Ryo made another joke, and the boys around him laughed.

His eyes then slid to someone else. Miyu. She was still sitting at her desk, pencil in hand, drawing. She was always drawing, she wanted to be a mangaka, and was working hard toward her dream, even when she got detention for daydreaming about her latest project.

He pushed his hand against the desk, almost standing, out of habit wanting to ask what she was drawing this time. But he stopped himself, she would ask how he was doing, and he wouldn't know what to say.

She looked up and her purple blue eyes met his, and she smiled. She had inherited more of her mothers looks, but the sparkle in her eyes was her father's. She had dyed streaks of her hair blonde, but the rest was her natural brown, it framed her face and fell in graceful waves over her shoulders. And for the hundredth time, he thought she was beautiful. He forced his eyes away, and instead looked at the chalk board. Aito tried to distract himself by listening to Ryo and Tatsu joke around, but he couldn't help but wonder what she was thinking.

Aito slid his hands through his jet black hair, and let his forehead rest on the desk. The five minute bell went off, and he lept out of his chair, grabbing his backpack and homework. He rushed out of the room, and went straight to his next class, letting himself settle into his desk. He sighed, and wished that the day was over.

…

The final bell rung, and the students hurried off to their various clubs and groups. Aito waited for the halls to be relatively empty, and then made his way to his favorite place in the school. He climbed a few staircases and turned the corner to a hallway he knew well. He watched the room numbers as he passed by, even though he didn't need to, he knew where he was going.

The third music room. The place where his parents met, where they had had all their crazy adventures. He was almost disappointed as he opened the door to a silent and abandoned room. His mom had told him about how it used to be, how it could transform into a jungle, or a medieval castle. Or anything you could imagine.

He smiled, remembering her stories, and closed the door behind him. He walked to a curtained off corner, and went inside. He slid his fingers over the familiar keys, and sat on the small bench.

It was a music room after all.

He let himself smile as his fingers flew over the keys, drawing a melody in the air. It was simple, but to him it was beautiful. It was the kind of songs he liked to play, easy, but with real feeling in them, instead of some songs that were just a melody with a half hearted accompaniment, these had fewer notes, but they made you feel something.

Aito let his fingers slow, and played the last echoing note of the song. He let it fade away, and sat for a moment. He let himself forget the world, in that moment that echo was the only thing that was really there. Nothing else mattered.

…

Aito closed the door, and made his way out of the school. He grabbed his bike from the rack, and started walking it out to the road, he didn't feel like getting on, perhaps today he'd just walk.

He turned as he heard the rattle of wheels over pavement. Shoji slowed his longboard, and rolled up to him. The third year had changed out of his school uniform and was now wearing a black jacket and jeans, his ever present headphones rested on his shoulders, Aito wondered if he ever took them off.

"Hey," he said, "Mind if i stick with you for a while?" he asked. He, unlike Miyu, had inherited his father's charming prince-like look. He was almost an exact copy of his dad, only younger. His eyes were different though, they were brown like his mom's.

Aito shrugged. "Sure"

They went in silence for a while, Shoji swerving on his longboard to not leave Aito behind. Shoji inevitably started tapping his fingers on his leg, usually this was seen as annoying, a constant tapping noise. But Aito secretly liked trying to put tunes to it.

"So…" Shoji said, "Mom wants me to invite you to dinner,"Aito's stomach turned and his heartbeat quickened. They always asked questions. They _always_ asked questions. He didn't think he could stand it again. They would all be watching him, his throat constricted when he thought about them all looking at him, all listening to everything he said.

Shoji pulled a hand out of his pocket as he rocked a little farther than he expected. He steadied himself and smiled, but the smile changed to concern as he saw Aito staring down at the pavement, glassy eyed. "Miyu really misses seeing you you know." he said.

Aito didn't know what to say, he wanted to go. After the questions, he really did enjoy being with them, they were like a second family to him.

"I'll think about it," he said, Shoji smiled, then said his goodbyes as his street came up.

Aito continued in silence, his stomach still knotted. He was still a few miles from home, so he got on his bike.

Ya he'd go, he'd never been one to refuse an invitation, especially from the suoh's.

 **YAY HIS VOICE CAME BACK! hehehheheheee, :D**

 **ok, so while i was writing, i was just going to have him go to the third music room and like sit in a chair and have quiet and maybe look out the window, stuff like that. And he seriously just about** _ **told**_ **me that he played the piano, and that he wanted to play. And so, being the corporative author i am, i put a piano in. I hope you liked that. :) and he likes to play the kind of music i do! i was very happy with him. ;)**

 **i will hopefully see you lovelies soon, :) i really want to continue this fanfic, and i hope you guys don't mind if there's gaps in between chapters.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Firstly. I. Am. So. Sorry. :( i haven't posted in FOREVER. :( and there's really no excuse. I'm very sorry. I hope you like this chapter anyway. :/**

Their house was smaller than his own, but it was always filled with something. His was empty. In their house there was music, laughter, everything that he missed. He hesitated as he locked his bike in their shed. He didn't want to go in. Miyu would be in there. He left his hand on the doorknob, wondering if it would just be better for him to leave, they probably didn't really want him there.

His decision was made for him as Haruhi opened the door, she must've seen him through their window.

"Oh, Aito." She said. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him into a hug. "I'm glad you came." She pulled away and held him at arm's length. "You look so tired." Her forehead became strewn with worry lines that had shown up far too often in the last few months… since-

"Aito!" Tamaki popped up behind Haruhi and smiled. He looked almost too happy in Aito's opinion. "We're having a stir fry! It's going to be great!" he then disappeared back into the house. "Can I add more of this stuff?" he appeared around the corner that led to their kitchen holding a container with a black liquid inside. Quickly disappearing again.

"Um… Why don't you come inside Aito" She hurried him inside and then went to prevent catastrophe in the kitchen. Aito slipped off his shoes and then entered the house.

Aito stood in their slightly messy but warm living room and looked at all the pictures on the walls. There was some that looked quite similar, there was one each of when Shoji and then when Miyu was born, and also one of Aito with Mom and Dad… they were smiling, they looked so happy in front of the bright colors and lights.

Aito was caught back in that memory for a moment, he remembered the day that picture was taken. He had been about seven and they had all gone to an amusement park nearby. He smiled as he remembered his crazy uncles' fascination with the big roller coaster. They would ride it over and over again.

The memory faded, and so did his smile. How could he smile when the world was so dark? How could he ever be happy again? He felt tears smart in his eyes, and a hole open in his chest. How could he… how could he smile? His breath came shorter, and it seemed like the world was closing in on him, sucking away all the light, and slowly blocking off the air.

Footsteps. Haruhi was coming back from the kitchen. He couldn't let her see him cry. He couldn't take the questions, not now. He'd break.

He lifted his head, and widened his eyes. He checked off a list in his head: Widen eyes, straighten back, swallow. He put on the mask he had practiced so many times in the mirror. Had it become habit? To put on this fake face? But he couldn't think about that now, he needed dry eyes, he couldn't let her suspect.

"I'm going to call Shoji and Miyu, then we'll have dinner." She smiled, his cheeks twitched into something resembling a smile. That was all he could do at the moment. Words might choke him. He swallowed again, he had to get away for a moment, just a few seconds would be enough.

"I'll be right there, I just need to use the bathroom real quick." She nodded, smiling, and started up the staircase. He almost felt disappointed that she hadn't seen the tears barely held back behind his eyelashes. But at the same time, he didn't want her to know.

He pulled himself away from the pictures, and made himself walk to the bathroom. He shut the door and locked it. Now that he was alone the tears threatened to burst. He let them. And they ran down his cheeks and dripped onto his shirt. He grabbed a piece of toilet paper and wiped his eyes, making sure that there wouldn't be any more tell-tale wet circles on his shirt. He silently lowered himself to the floor, and wrapped his arms around his knees. He let himself cry for a moment. Then got up, and checked his face in the mirror. It wasn't too red.

To finish the illusion that he had actually needed to use the bathroom, he flushed the toilet. A waste of water, but he didn't really care, he didn't want them to know. As he washed his hands he used some of the cold water to dull the red of his face.

He looked himself in the mirror, took a deep breath, and opened the door. He went straight to their kitchen/dining room. If he stayed here any longer, he'd probably never make himself move.

Miyu and Shoji hadn't gotten there yet, only Haruhi and Tamaki were in the room. They were setting the table. Aito picked up the pile of hashi (chopsticks) that were on the counter, and started helping set them out.

He heard the stairs creak as someone came down. He hoped it was Shoji, he felt more comfortable around him then Miyu.

"You came!"

 **So i wrote this chapter while listening to "My love" by Sorrow, if you want to check it out. :)**

 **My grandma is Japanese and she actually does call chopsticks Hashi, i had forgotten what she called them, so i had to look it up. :) (I still can't use them very well though :P i guess i need to practice!)**


End file.
